


Erase Me

by yornma



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 06:11:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4293771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yornma/pseuds/yornma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on what Bucky aka the Winter Soldier was going through while under the care of Hydra.</p><p>This can either be read as pre-CA:WS or during.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erase Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twelvepercentofaplan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twelvepercentofaplan/gifts), [divisionten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/divisionten/gifts), [telm_393](https://archiveofourown.org/users/telm_393/gifts), [100indecisions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/100indecisions/gifts).



> Let me know what you think, I appreciate reviews & comments.

Erase Me 

 

I hear noises in the dark  
and hope I only dream  
my head is the only place  
where I can hear myself  
“Erase Me” ~ Elysion

\--

“Good Job Soldier.” the words were cold stiff, eyes averted. Of course they didn’t want to look at him, no one did.

But the mission was completed and he knew his handler would be pleased. The target was dead and that was all that mattered.

His life had become nothing more than a series of missions to complete, targets to eliminate and the reward was the debrief in the chair. The cold metal chair with leather straps and a mouth piece. After the pain from the shocks ebbed, he would be debriefed again and readied for his next mission. 

The similarly dressed men packed into the van with him, giving him a wide berth as always, eyeing him with suspicion and fright but their faces remained stoic, they were trained like him to show no emotion, keep eyes and head forward at all times. 

But they were unlike him, they remembered who they were, their full names, where they grew up their childhood most importantly their past. 

He caught glimpses here and there of a man dark haired like him, but clean shaven with a woman in his arms and thin sickly blond man hanging around with him.

He tried to grasp at the memory to pull it closer to remember who the woman was and who the blond man was, but it slipped out of his grasp. Foreign hands grasped him by the shoulders jarring him back to reality as he found himself being pushed towards the chair.

He wanted to tell them to stop, that he was beginning to remember if they would only wait a few more moments they wouldn’t need to… his mouth opened as if to speak but the words failed him.  
He was shoved into the chair, the mouth guard inserted and strapped in.

His muscles tensed before the jolt of electricity hit him.

As the pain shot through his body he squeezed his eyes shut trying to find a place where the pain couldn’t reach him.

Reaching for the memory, seeing himself (?) dressed in a uniform, talking to a lovely brunette with ruby red lips. The blond man was there still, saying something to them, if only he could understand what it was.

He strained trying to make out what it was the blond was saying.

A jolt of pain seared through his memory, startled it slipped through his fingers and shattered like glass breaking into millions of pieces before him.

He howled in anguish and pain, having been so close to remembering who he was only to have it ripped from his fingertips again.

“You are a gift to mankind. You are a soldier. “ a voice broke through his thoughts,” You have a mission. “

He tried to turn away from the voice, he wanted nothing more to do with this, he wanted to be left alone.

Pain again, this time threatening to overload his senses.

“You will obey. You are a tool. A weapon.” the emotionless voice said.

He tried to scream his rage, but the mouthpiece prevented that instead he released a menacing growl.

“Up the voltage.” the voice said.

“But sir-” another voice in the distance, hesitant, unsure.

“Don’t you see he’s resisting? I want total compliance.” the voice snapped.

“Yes sir.” acceptance of fate.

Lightning bolts burst forth from the back of his head as his world went black for a moment. 

The voice in front of him overrode the one in his head.

You are a soldier.

I am soldier.

You are a weapon

I am a weapon.

You have a mission.

I have a mission.

Eliminate the targets.

I will eliminate the targets. 

Complete the mission.

I will not fail.

Failure is not tolerated.

The humming of the electricity stopped and he found himself breathless, nameless hands removed the bite guard and he found himself free to breath through clenched teeth as the aftershocks violently played with his muscles.

What did failed missions end in? He frowned inwardly trying to remember, something shiny caught the corner of his eye and he saw the metal arm.

Maybe that was what failed missions ended in, losing a limb.

And that was probably why he had only lost one.

He would not lose again.


End file.
